Hillary Clinton’s best feature is that she is not Donald Trump, though there are issues, like her practice of always going around telling lies… and the gun-grabbing thing.

Regarding Clinton’s practice of lying – in political terminology, she “misspeaks” – I brought up her thrilling war story to my business associates in the Ukraine (who have much more recent war stories that are both thrilling and true) and they scoffed at me for caring about such a minor issue. Indeed, compared to politicians like Viktor Yanukovych, Hillary Clinton is a pillar of honesty. She is actually quite popular around the world for her work as Secretary of State and, along with John McCain, is the only American politician with widespread and positive name recognition. (Europeans despise Donald Trump; he reminds them a little too much of a certain German politician from eighty years ago.) Bottom line: Hillary Clinton might be a liar, but she is not a damned liar.

Regarding the gun-grabbing thing, let me recount my own experience with losing a firearm. I was cruising through open desert at 75 mph when I noticed those annoying flashing lights in my rearview mirror. Surprise! There was a town just out of sight and the speed limit had dropped from 75 mph to 65 mph a couple hundred yards back. I was ticketed for driving eleven mph over the limit, my insurance premium skyrocketed and I had to pay the town $180. A year later I was pulled over and told that I was driving on a suspended license. They impounded my locksmith van. The officer was practically dancing with glee when he found an expensive automatic pistol in my glove box. This was particularly worrisome because, only a few years earlier, my van had been towed and the tow company had stolen a $2500 key machine out of the back of it.

Why was my license suspended? I was told that I had caused a fatal accident in that small desert town. The police had every intention of keeping my van and all the tools and equipment for my locksmith business. I confronted both the state MVD and the town Justice Court and they both readily admitted that there had been no accident, fatal or otherwise, but that it was the other bureaucracy’s fault and that they had no intention of taking the blame or changing anything in their records. Finally, without either bureaucracy admitting guilt, the fatal accident was quietly removed from my record and I was able to get my van back. I was immensely relieved that the key machine was still in it. But the pistol was gone for good; dancing officer had sold it. And nobody offered to reimburse me for the extra thousand dollars of insurance I had paid that year above what is normally added for a speeding ticket. (The exorbitant insurance premiums had been a clue that something was amiss, though at the time I had thought that they were just being really harsh about 11 mph over the limit.)

I retell this story now to point out that it occurred during the Bush administration. When Obama became president, the internet was awash with dire warnings of impending gun confiscation. I was like, “How does that differ from what we have now?” Internet soothsayers assured me that there would soon be storm troopers going house to house kicking down doors in search of firearms. That never happened. Actually, nothing changed in 2008. Obama just expanded on all the Bush policies that he had criticized during his campaign, like NSA surveillance of U. S. citizens, and the practice of assassinating people, which he expanded to include U.S. citizens when he killed Anwar al-Awlaki, who had never killed anybody with his own hand but was just an internet troll. And, of course, we got eight more years of “war” with Afghanistan, a word that I have to put in quotation marks because our enemies do not have airplanes, artillery or even motorized vehicles – it is costing us billions of dollars to “win” year after year against donkey-mounted fighters armed with RPG-7 grenade launchers, a weapon with an effective range of 100 meters. Hillary will probably do much the same as her predecessors; historians will tell of the Bush/Obama/Clinton era without bothering to recall which president did what.

The fact is, we could elect Sarah Brady to be president and nothing would really change regarding gun confiscation. Police officers make far more money by setting speed traps on lonely desert highways than they could ever make by selling stolen – in political terminology, “seized from criminals” though there is no record of the owner being convicted or even arrested – handguns. No matter who is in the Oval Office, they are not going to risk their lives kicking down doors; there are easier ways to make money than that. Of course, if an expensive handgun just falls into their lap, like mine did, they are not above selling it in the same way that the ocean is not above the sky – just like they have always been.

Losers desperately cling to their savior’s daily tweets in the hopes that they can find something they agree with and, hence, attach the adjective “winner” to their own miserable and self-destructive lives. And, to their gratification, at least on certain days, Trump has said, in his confusing fourth-grade-level language, that he supports the Second Amendment is some vague sort of way. But, if I know anything about fascists, I know that they are tight with the police and curry their favor by giving them ample opportunity to steal. That is how the system worked in Germany under Hitler and that is how the system will work in America under Trump.

Unfortunately for the losers, their much-adored “winner” – be it Hitler or Trump – has no respect for the suckers that brought him to power and so he will casually steal their guns and anything else they have of value. But, on the bright side for wannabe winners, somebody will get to move into the houses that undocumented immigrants spent decades paying the mortgages on before being deported or gassed or whatever it is that Trump has in mind for them. Bottom line: Ignore all the doom-sayers with their foreboding talk of storm troopers kicking down doors should Clinton become president; it is actually Trump who is most likely to give the door kickers their license to steal.

If you are a loser and it is important that you can attach the adjective “winner” to yourself, rejoice in the fact that Clinton was named after Sir Edmund Hillary, who climbed Mount Everest when she was six years old. Politicians cannot get much better credentials than that unless they actually climbed Mount Everest themselves! Actually, Gary Johnson, the presumptive Libertarian candidate, did climb Mount Everest; but his party does not want me, so I am voting for Sir Edmund Hillary Clinton.

Postscript

On 24 May 2016, S. E. Cupp of the New York Daily News wrote a very informative piece titled,Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are huge liars. He writes:

Clever! Adolph Hitler called it “the big lie,” but Donald Trump can call it “truthful hyperbole” if he wants. And, for those of you keeping score, I think S. E. Cupp recorded more lies spewing out of Trump’s mouth than out of Clinton’s mouth. So, by backing Clinton, I am going with the lesser of the two liars, which makes me feel a lot better about the 2016 election.

Full Disclosure

Political pundits reading of my endorsement of Clinton are likely to ask, “What is this guy’s financial stake in the 2016 election?” A good question! If it turns out that I am a medical doctor that made myself a millionaire by double-billing senile citizens’ private health insurance and Medicare for the same unnecessary tests, then it would come as no surprise that I am supporting Hillary. But, in point of fact, at this time, I have only two irons in the fire:

1) I have invented a weapon to kill SAM crews on the roofs of skyscrapers without exposing aircraft to missile fire and without risk to civilians in the streets below. This is only of concern to people who are fighting the Red Army, given their practice of inserting by helicopter onto the roofs of skyscrapers elite SAM crews and snipers who are mysteriously missing any insignia on their uniforms. Since neither Trump, Clinton nor Johnson have the slightest intention of fighting the Red Army, none of them are going to buy my weapon. I speak only to people who actually are fighting the Red Army, a practice of no concern to any of the U.S. presidential candidates.

2) I am writing a geometry textbook that has been banned by Common Core. I firmly believe that Common Core is censorship and that censorship is wrong – especially if I am the author getting censored. Basically, Common Core has made it law that American textbooks are to use the axiom set of George Birkhoff. This is not the only choice – the standard Russian geometry textbook uses the axiom set of David Hilbert – but I have my own axiom set based on the original postulates of Euclid, supplemented by modern abstract algebra. I do not expect politicians to know who any of these people are, only to make it legal for American high schools to buy whichever textbook they want. Hillary Clinton will mandate Common Core textbooks while Donald Trump and Gary Johnson will leave this decision to local school boards.

So, by endorsing Clinton, I am working against my own financial interest. I would prefer to endorse Johnson, but his party expelled me for this paper and I am determined to endorse someone who is not Trump, the first politician in my lifetime to frighten me. Damned Hitler wannabe!